A bong is a water pipe or basically a small, portable hookah. The word has Thai origins. Bongs have been in use since at least the 16th century in China, Laos, Thailand – mostly in the form of pipes made out of bamboo.

And yes – I had to go to Wikipedia to find that out. I’m not THAT much of a bong genius. I do have strong fucking opinions about bongs, though.

But first – my shameless plug for Uncle Ike’s Pot Shop and it’s sister store Uncle Ike’s Glass & Goods, which carries a wide variety of water pipes and other smoking accessories. Uncle Ike’s – since 2014.

Now back to my bongpinions.

THE YIN & YANG OF BONGS
YIN: Bongs are gross and the toxic waste water they create can contaminate a room or a car.
YANG: Bongs filter impurities and provide a smoother, cleaner, colder smoke.
VERDICT: America still loves bongs, smell or no smell. Bongs win!

BONGS ARE GROSS
I mentioned that bongs are gross but a non-bonger might not fully grasp how smelly used bong water is. Spilled it on the carpet? Throw the carpet out! Drank some by accident? You will throw up. Many bongers refuse to change their bong water after each use, and also insist on sharing the bong and transferring their germs to each other that way too.
VERDICT: Bongs continue to lose popularity as vaporization, edibles and other delivery methods gain in popularity. Bongs lose!

TALLER THAN IT IS WIDE! EMBARRASSING?
Let’s face it – every time you take a hit from a bong you are simulating a sex act. Especially if the bong has dragon motifs or is shaped like a dragon’s penis. This kind of makes public bong use disturbing.
VERDICT: Bongs are embarrassing!

MY GENIUS BONG IDEA
I think someone should invent a disposable, recyclable bong! It’s easy to be a bong inventor these days – draw up your blueprints for the bong, raise capital on a crowdfunding site and you’re golden.

MEET THE BOOBONG!
Bongs are not smelly if you use them once and then recycle them. If we go back to the old days when people smoked bong hits out of a bamboo device we are inspired. To create … the BOOBONG! An eight inch tall stalk of bamboo. The stem is also bamboo, but the bowl is lined with a thin sheet of glass. These can be manufactured overseas or, better yet, in a factory run by robots here in the United States. Proudly made in the USA! Each BOOBONG will cost about ten cents to produce and will sell for about a dollar at retail.

IS THE “RECYCLABLE” ASPECT BULLSHIT?
Yes. When I said that the BOOBONG was recyclable that was bull. Just marketing and branding horsejack designed to make the bongsumer feel good. However – throwing what is essentially a stick of bamboo in the trash is far better for the environment than throwing out yet another dirty plastic bong.
VERDICT: The BOOBONG WINS!