Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds of Missouri have produced the best food porn ever, a catalog featuring giant photos of gloriously sexy organic heirloom fruits and veggies. Bearded Brooklyn urban hipsters who make their own artisanal pickles love this kind of material. A growing contingent of pothead chefs (some also sporting beards, pickles) love this kind of material. Who doesn’t want to gaze longingly at a gorgeous Rampicante Zuccherino (Italian climbing sugar melon) or even a warty Fungo Pumpkin?

The Whole Seed Catalog costs $7.95, which is $7.95 more other seed catalogs cost, but well worth it at 356 pages. Spending more than a minute carefully reading each detailed page? That will take you over five hours. Ten hours if you have just smoked some “shatter,” which is what I hear some of the young people are doing these days. The smaller 212 page version of their catalog is free.

Started by Jere Gettle in 1998, Baker Creek now offers over 1,750 varieties of fruits, veggies, flowers and herbs. Cute pictures of the Gettle family and Baker Creek employees – dressed in Little House on the Prairie-style outfits – humanize the company. The stunt seems sincere and not fake – like it would be if Martha Stewart tried to dress up like Laura Ingalls Wilder. The Gettles are real farmers, or at least they started out that way.

Baker Creek is a multi-million dollar business that prints almost a half a million catalogs. And all this without selling marijuana seeds! You can’t cross state lines with marijuana in the USA, so offering pot seeds in a catalog would be a legal no-no. Just ask Marc Emery (Canadian activist and husband of aging pot hottie Jodie Emery) what happens when you anger the Feds by selling seeds across state and national borders.

Cannabis seeds are available online but if you plan on receiving marijuana seeds through the U.S. mail you are an idiot.

A nice thought would be that at some point in the future The Whole Seed Catalog (yes – the name’s an homage to the hippie-era Whole Earth Catalog) will sell marijuana seeds.

The front of The Whole Seed Catalog has helpful articles about tropical bush fruits (pepino, tamrillo, naranilla), GMO labeling efforts, Incan kulli corn. So much learning to be done – especially for those of us who grew up on orange supermarket carrots and drive-through junk food.

The only fail here would be an ad for trendy Modern Farmer magazine. The founder of that rag was recently forced out, and it’s doubtful that there will ever be another issue. Do not buy a subscription.

Many Americans do not know what an eggplant is. Baker Creek offers 66 varieties, including Cambodian Green Giant, Early Black Egg and Lao Purple Stripe. And look! A helpful recipe for eggplant cutlet! Perfect for what is one of the one thousand greatest dishes to eat while high – eggplant parmesan! You rule, Baker Creek!

If a plant isn’t available, grow it yourself! Good luck finding Black Carrots at the Safeway, though.

If you live in an apartment growing your own produce is not gonna work either. It’s a nice fantasy, though. That’s what food porn is all about, right? Right now black carrots are something that you can’t have – and that makes you want them even more!

“The Pusa Asita Black carrot is the most antioxidant packed carrot variety … high in anthocyanin, a purple tinted antioxidant that can be useful in treating some cancers as well as alzheimer’s disease … linked to digestion and colon health.” Yum!

Remember Johnny Appleseed? The truth is that those apples he was planting were cider apples destined to be turned in to hard cider and applejack brandy. The point is – he was a seed guy. We need more people like him.

The Whole Seed Catalog ends with an essay by Emilee Gettle called Life and Death in the Cart. It’s about how existentially depressing supermarkets are. “I am so surprised how many people don’t cook anymore,” she says. See her blog at, and order the Whole Seed Catalog at